A Ticking Clock

As I listen to the gentle ticking of your miniature Swiss cuckoo clock I realise that 8,760 hours have now passed without your physical presence mom. 

That’s 525,600 minutes without speaking to you. 

365 days without your daily messages pinging into my phone. 

52 weeks without a photo of your handwritten shopping list arriving in my WhatsApp ready for me to order your grocery delivery. 

12 months without your squeezy hugs that we loved so much each time we saw each other. 

Too many to count moments of thinking I must tell mom that… and then remembering I can’t. 

A year without you by my side on windy wet walks along a beach...

and constantly talking to the air around me and hoping you can hear.

But I am thankful for the 61 years of unconditional love you gave me. The 61 years of quiet guidance, encouragement and support. 61 years of precious memories spent with my strong mom to treasure. 

I now understand that learning to live my life with a momentous mom sized hole in it is going to take time. 

But in your physical absence you continue to influence my life. I have now catalogued and packed up all your Adult School Union papers and as promised they will be cared for in the Birmingham Library Archives and Collections just as you wished. 

I am working on an article we talked about when you shared your memories with me about your speedway and motorcycle antics with Dad… 

You would be thrilled to know mom, that Mr H and I are Planning a holiday to follow in you and your parents & cousins footsteps on a trip you did in 1954. 

And as I work my way through all the papers I have from your lifetime, I know many other stories will emerge. 

But most of all at the moment I am thankful for the many hours you and I spent poring over old photos recording all your memories on tape… 

So at the press of a button I am able to hear your voice once again.