Feel the buzz

On November 17th 2008 I pulled on my Ronhill tracksters, slid my feet into my blue and white running shoes and jogged away from the house.  My last run...

When my brain tumour stole my running and walking legs Mr H refused to go back out running.

I can't he would say, it is not the same without you. 






But eventually I manage to push him out of the door with a smile. I know running is good for him and I happily stand cheering when Mr H achieves his goals of a 10K and half marathon






I walk my slow hobbly walk around the village and learn to swim...

But over the last year I feel as though I have reached a walking red light. While everyone around me is running... I watch running groups pass the window,  listen to friends and family talking about their couch to 5K training, chat on the phone with friends doing the Race for Life. For Me!

But my running legs are screaming to get moving, they want a challenge, I want to exercise with people.. I want to feel the buzz

I can't walk 5K let alone run I tell the Race for Life organisers as I ask them to consider doing something for people such as me with disabilities due to the cancer...

We will look into it they tell me. But then it all goes quiet...

My friend Chris suggests I try aquafit at our local Gym so I find a group  leader with a sensitive approach to the fact that I have to do my wobbly, slow version of most of her exercises. I find myself grinning and humming the words as I lift my leg to the music while hanging onto the side of the pool.

In my search for more alternatives I discover a circuit training class for people with Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinsons disease. I am welcomed into the arms of this laughter filled hard working group. Vicky the leader is as bubbly as the best champagne and ensures each exercise is tailored to each members ability.. 

We are going to work you hard she tells me with a grin. 

It feels like I am back in the neurology physiotherapy gym I say when she insists I try to lift my left leg rather than swing it to the side...I am back on the balancing board, stepping slowly up and down off a step, using a resistance band to work my arms and legs so hard they shake...

Its back to exercise basics and I am feeling the buzz....

Life is not always about trying to fix something that's broken

Sometimes it is about starting over and creating something better

thatonerule.com

Toy soldiers...

i am frightened of kerbs I tell my friend Helen when we meet for lunch...

Yesterday I walked back from the bus stop in a step, leg-lift, head down kind of way to avoid a trip on the rippled pavements...

I come to a corner without a dropped kerb, (a lowered section to allow mobility scooters, pushchairs and people like me to cross). I stand and stare at it. Whisper to myself you can do this...

I hesitate and gaze at the kerb edge intently. Just step off I say to myself...

I shuffle my feet to the edge. The road seems so far away; like I am about to jump off a cliff and crash into the dark wild sea.

I stand for a few minutes then turn around and walk back the way I came. Take a running jump at it my inner voice tells me...

I walk towards the kerb 'at speed' as I try not to think about the challenge that looms ahead.. 

But at the kerb my heart drops down to my stomach and I come to a lurching stop. I look up and down the road to check that no one is watching this foot shuffling, hesitant kerb stepper.

Then I walk back again...

As I head towards the kerb for the third time I try not to think about it, la la la. Just step down it's easy I tell myself as the kerb silently taunts me...

But once again my feet come to a halt . 

I look right and left. No one watching. 

Then I lower my stick into the road. Lean on it with my frightened right hand and arm. Take a deep breath then launch my left leg into the air. It lands in the road. I pull my right one after it. I am down. Shaking but down. 

One last furtive glance around and with tears in my eyes I walk the short distance home.

On Friday, at my first one to one Pilates session for 18 months, I tell Sue that I am frightened of kerbs. I need help with my balance again I say as fresh tears drip off my nose...

Ok let's start at the beginning she says. Do you remember the toy soldier?...

Obstacles don't have to stop you.

If you run into a wall (or kerb) don't turn around and give up,

Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan

Left is right but right is wrong...

I ran my hand down my piano teacher Sue's silky green arm and asked 

Did you knit this? It's beautiful

Yes alpaca wool. Why don't you knit one I'll give you the pattern

With the help of my crafty friend Chris, who had encouraged me to knit in hospital, I sourced the wool from the internet and began clicking with my new bamboo needles. 

But months later when I held the back of my bluey green cardigan up to my chest I groaned with dismay. It was big enough to fit the alpaca who had shed the fleece. So, sitting in front of the fire I unravelled the back and left front and started a smaller size...

Then we got an allotment and my second attempt, like an unwanted baby alpaca, sat abandoned for almost a year...

This week feeling guilty I pick up my needles again and for the second time finish the back and left front. But when I start the right front my needles end up in a twist. Ten rows done but without the essential buttonhole. I unravel. Ten rows done but I have missed the extra plain stitches before the moss starts. I launch wool and needles at the wall. It unravels as it hits the floor. Eight rows done... wrong... I ring Sue. 

My left is right but my right keeps going wrong.

Sue arrives in her knitting rescue outfit. Unravel. Explain. Restart...

Never, never, never give up - Winston Churchill

Rule 5 in Taming my woollen Tiger: The tools are all around you - Jim Lawless