Monday, April 25, 2016

Toy soldiers...

i am frightened of kerbs I tell my friend Helen when we meet for lunch...

Yesterday I walked back from the bus stop in a step, leg-lift, head down kind of way to avoid a trip on the rippled pavements...

I come to a corner without a dropped kerb, (a lowered section to allow mobility scooters, pushchairs and people like me to cross). I stand and stare at it. Whisper to myself you can do this...

I hesitate and gaze at the kerb edge intently. Just step off I say to myself...

I shuffle my feet to the edge. The road seems so far away; like I am about to jump off a cliff and crash into the dark wild sea.

I stand for a few minutes then turn around and walk back the way I came. Take a running jump at it my inner voice tells me...

I walk towards the kerb 'at speed' as I try not to think about the challenge that looms ahead.. 

But at the kerb my heart drops down to my stomach and I come to a lurching stop. I look up and down the road to check that no one is watching this foot shuffling, hesitant kerb stepper.

Then I walk back again...

As I head towards the kerb for the third time I try not to think about it, la la la. Just step down it's easy I tell myself as the kerb silently taunts me...

But once again my feet come to a halt . 

I look right and left. No one watching. 

Then I lower my stick into the road. Lean on it with my frightened right hand and arm. Take a deep breath then launch my left leg into the air. It lands in the road. I pull my right one after it. I am down. Shaking but down. 

One last furtive glance around and with tears in my eyes I walk the short distance home.

On Friday, at my first one to one Pilates session for 18 months, I tell Sue that I am frightened of kerbs. I need help with my balance again I say as fresh tears drip off my nose...

Ok let's start at the beginning she says. Do you remember the toy soldier?...


Obstacles don't have to stop you.
If you run into a wall (or kerb) don't turn around and give up,
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan