Thursday, September 7, 2017

Writing my last sentence

What shall I write my next blog about I ponder drumming my fingers on the table as I stare at my laptop keyboard. Sometimes I just start writing but today I need a focus. So as I scan through the pages of my life looking for ideas, an email pops into my inbox from my friend Jim Lawless.


Jim reminds me that Time is my precious commodity, a scarce resource which I need to use wisely. None of us know how much Time we have to write our life story, our daily sentences...

As the minutes tick by I ask myself if I am filling my pages of life with content I will look back on with joy and satisfaction. Or am I back in a routine where the days roll into each other, each weekend starting before the last one has finished...

I often say to friends I might never have had this Time, these pages, this part of my story. I believe I am making the most of each moment, each second of my life. I believe I will look back with a smile, knowing I made positive use of each moment.

Apart from my writing. 

Before my chapters of life finish, I want to write so much more; a book about living with unexpected life changing disabilities; a book about the history of the Adult School, a children's book about being a Granty. I want to write more regular blog posts... 

My heart smiles when I sit down at the laptop and start tapping, when I read over pages I have written, pages I might never have had the time to write if it was not for my brain tumour.

My brain tumour gave me Time, handed it to me from the first moment it crashed into my life; 
Time to plan for a new life, a new normal. 
Time to do new and wonderful things.
Time with my family and friends
Time to join a choir and sing in a cathedral.

Yes I find some of my sentences in life ooze with frustration. Irritated by my legs inability to keep me upright when I am tired. Annoyed that my brain is not even a quarter as quick as it used to be. Angry that while able bodied people spring in and out of their cars I am left waiting for a lift that doesn't arrive...

But as Jim reminds me today, if I am to look back on my life with a satisfied smile, I need to be sure I focus on three essential things:

Decision   Action    Result

So I decide...
I will prioritise my writing; give it Time in my days and weeks.
I will put pen to paper, finger to keyboard every other day. 
I will allow myself Time to sit and reflect as that's when my writing is at its best.
Only then will I be able to achieve my goal of being a published author.

And only then will I be content that this sentence may be my last...

They always say time changes things
But you actually have to change them yourself
Andy Warhol

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