Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Kicking at a closed door

Most of the time smiles make my face shine. I check my energometer as I wake and use what I have with care.  Optimism flickers in my heart as I try this changeover of epilepsy drugs. 

But even though I have three different drugs in my system instead of two, the seizure blighters keep breaking  the surface to show their fangs. I try to ignore their bite but nausea is hard to turn my back on. Tears sting my eyes in public as onlookers curiously watch.

Today I take the bus to Pilates and as I stand at the bus stop the nausea shows its teeth. I nibble a banana and it eventually subsides. But only for a while and in Pilates the tears cascade as I sit on the bright orange ball. 

Enough. I have had enough.

Too early for the bus back I take refuge from the torrential rain in the village information booth. When I leave I smile as a handsome young man holds the door open for me. 

But the distraction breaks my check trip hazard radar. I catch my left foot on the tiny ledge at the door and fall head first into his surprised arms. 

Head down I mutter my thanks saying I knew that would happen. Sorry my foot got caught. I walk away before I allow the tears of frustration to prick my eyes.

Back home there is only one choice. Snuggle into the settee accompanied by charity shop buys and treats...

"My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake.. I feel better already" 
Dave Barry