Friday, April 5, 2013

Extreme emotions... my new normal

Calm used to be my middle name. Now.. Frustration. Anger. Laughter. Fed-up-ness. Giggles. Tears. ...are as unpredictable as wind on a calm day..

My Dad used to say his bladder was too close to his eyes..I too am good at the waterworks... now I could fill a reservoir...drought...not in our house....

At the moment my OK and Not OK balance on an uneven pendulum. The latest test of endurance is the news that I have A TEN PERCENT CHANCE OF GETTING MY SEIZURES UNDER CONTROL. Yes I am shouting!! I have tried so many epilepsy drugs now my chance of getting back behind Dorothys' driving seat slides beyond my grip, like a boat moving down the slipway into the sea...

Benign tumour indeed...


I recently read a snippet from the Canadian Brain Tumour Foundation on Hammer Outs website  Myths about Brain Tumours Two points poke me in the eye...

  • The end of treatment does not mean the end of the experience of having a brain tumour and the person may need to adapt to a “new normal” depending on long-term effects the person may have from treatment....I add in here and complications...
  • Any brain tumour is life-changing regardless of grade or stage.

These points take me back to the Neurosurgery Registrars wise words when I was first told I had a brain tumour..if benign you will live but it will be a different life...I am reminded daily of the truth of those words...

My New Normal...I like that ....But my friends would say I have never been normal...Ha ha

My anger and frustration fizzle...

I dig deep to find my coping strategy for this one...maybe I will be in the ten percent group that the new drugs I am about to try, capture...if not there is always public transport, my wobbly legs and the gift of lifts from friends...


The Rug of Hope
Hope is everything
I hope to laugh as much as I cry, 
Dance as much as I stand still, 
Cope as much as I can, 
Live for today,
Find the strength to accept my changing reality.
Me