Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Fatigue....Introducing Mr P, Mr B and Mr S

Fatigue is my enemy.  Unreliable, he pitches up whenever he likes. Follows me like a black cloud on a stormy day.  

No body spoke about Mr Fatigue when I was in hospital. I cannot turn my back on Mr F through good nights sleep,he is persistent, he weaves his tentacles tightly... 

Like a shadow he has many forms..

Mr Physical (P) Fatigue  drains my limbs of battery fluid.  Today a short walk to the post office is like completing two marathons, as I walk with my head lowered I mutter to my leg...lift... lift.... lift.......

I am on full alert for trip hazards, I lean forward in a battle against light wind. My boxing gloves on I fight a strong gust trying to push me off my feet.

My envy gnaws as Mr P. Fatigue stops me entering charity walks and runs to raise money, I fight his grip.  I want to climb mountains too...

At home I replace the mantra lift  with... drag... drag... drag. I leave trails on the carpet, my socks clean the floor...holes need mending. The sofa opens its arms and I succumb to its warm embrace.

Mr Brain (B) Fatigue...rudely arrives without notice, I try to predict the appearance of Mr B Fatigue: Too much time at the computer... a day out ...too long talking to friends...an emotional day...

I muddle words in too many sentences; the top I wear is a sweatshop..under my breath I search in vain for its real name, until Mr H says... fleece. 

The empty water butt gleefully awaits these days, I snap at Mr H without cause; as a man he is always to blame.

Today Mr B Fatigue is in control; its attack is unforgiving...

Mr Seizure (S) Fatigue... is a danger...he might cause a seizure... but like the weather I can only rely on his unpredictability...no pattern has emerged from my seizure diary scribbles. I planned an excel sheet analysis... but don't have the energy...

The main Survival Tool for Mr F is pacing. But in my life, energy is like a packet of biscuits which must be consumed..

Pacing (described by Trinity College Dublin Disability Service) is balancing activity with rest to prevent energy-debt.; making the most of the energy that you have..

For me the loss of energy is like the losing a loved one; you only truly appreciate them when they are gone.